A Healing Soldier, a Heartful Conversation

During my recent visit to the state of Iowa, I was so blessed to have met a 23-year-old man, we’ll call him Aaron, who serves in the National Guard and trained and fought in Iraq for about two years. At a glance, I couldn’t help but notice his tall, strong build, his big white truck that he had just bought that morning, and his humor that he wears on his sleeve. After talking for a while, it became evident that Aaron has many creative ideas and hopes for future businesses and investments—a very intelligent person.
Aaron and I got to have lunch together one day, during which time we shared ideas and stories about war and peace. Aaron told me several stories from his time in Iraq, about the machine that he was turned into as a designated marksman, and about how he lost his faith in God during his time there.
As the designated marksman, he was given full authority to shoot an enemy if he saw them even with just an automatic car key that had a button—anything that could potentially be used to detonate. After seeing some awful things done by Iraqi soldiers, Aaron found himself hoping that the people in his scope would pull out a similar tool of sorts, anything, just so that he could have a reason to shoot them.
As I sat across from this man, I saw the desperation of confusion reflected in his vibrant green eyes. I saw a loving person who was placed in a hellish environment that calls forth the worst in anyone—an environment that harnesses anger and fear and turns it into a hunger for justice—an environment that estranges one’s own reflection in a mirror.
“I used to be so strong in my faith,” Aaron told me. “I wanted to make sure that everyone knew about God. I used to be such a compassionate person.” He said that he just eventually stopped praying in Iraq. “Some people didn’t lose their faith,” he said. “Some were able to look at all the hurt and the evil and understand that there is a plan for all of it. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t see a way to justify it all.”
I told Aaron that he was precisely right in not justifying the evil that he saw and perpetrated with the often over-used phrase “I know God has a bigger plan.” I didn’t try to comfort him with this phrase either. I would be lying through my teeth and serving as a false witness to God if I had done so.
I surely hope that Aaron will find a good reason to rediscover his faith again—now that he is out of battle, now that he has started to overcome PTSD, now that he has courage to ask what is good.
I’m glad that Aaron didn’t find his strength in war by praying that God would bless and keep his hands that killed, because I don’t believe that the God of the Bible does that. I believe that God sent Jesus to Earth as an example for us to follow. WWJD? He wouldn’t kill. When he was beaten, he turned the other cheek, not because he was weak, but because love overcomes evil. Jesus let them kill him, and then he overcame death.
So what should we do when our nation asks us to go to war, to kill, to defeat evil? First, we should ask ourselves to whom we answer: to God or to America. If the answer is America, then going to a state-mandated war is disobedience to God in the form of idolatry (just as many things could be, ie: the church, a substance, an education, a job…) If the answer is God, then we must answer to God in the form of obedience, which manifests itself as trying to follow the righteousness and holiness in which Jesus walked—a life of radical love that overcame evil—in any situation we face, even if that is during a time of war.
At this point, Aaron is unsettled by violence, which has taken a toll on his body, his mind and his faith. And that’s the first step in becoming a peacemaker.